My Big Milestone

As my birthday was approaching, (which I was not looking forward to), mostly because I will be 35 half way to 40 then eventually 50, then 60… so on and so on.

Anyway, I didn’t feel 35 let alone 25 but I don’t want to become one of those “Cougars” looking 50 dressing like they’re 20. You’ve seen them at malls with their daughters, wondering if the mother robbed the daughters’ drawers. Secretly I was hoping Van would kind of let it slip, but he had to go out of town and came back with a wonderful birthday gift. While he was gone it gave me sometime to actually think about the year that had came and gone. The biggest change was after four years my father in law finally moved out. So, it’s been like starting all over again with Van and it’s just been great! We still have our moments here and there but nothing close to what they were like before. With the major stress being gone I’ve lost 10 lbs and have a few more to go. We love Dallas and have met some wonderful new friends. Actually we are in Plano, a suburb north of Dallas where it’s clean, lots of lakes, parks and family entertainment. I’ve gotten more involved in some mothers group and Kohl’s school.

Over all, the year has been more then wonderful so why am I still feeling this knot in my stomach about turning a year older? Secretly I think it’s because my kids are getting older and while I joke about it, our kids will eventually move out and the hardest question is what will I do with myself? The first vision I have is me doing a big cabbage patch dance as balloons are falling down. Once the balloon deflates and my rhythm has gone south, I would have to answer the question but my biggest fear would be did I do enough for my kids so they could make the right choices in life? And what will their relationship be like with me?

So I have come to realize its okay for those two questions not to be answered immediately but be mindful of those two questions when I decipline my kids. But most importantly to listen to my husband about not sweating over the little things and simply enjoy the kids while they are young.